In modern practice, mourners may recite Kaddish for eleven months for other immediate relatives as well. The recitation of kaddish benefits the soul of the departed. A child under the age of … If the Medium Is the Message, What’s the Message. Not observing some form of mourning would be – in most cases – a tremendous act of disrespect. In fact, since Judaism views a convert as a new-born soul, you are technically considered unrelated to your biological kin. This tradition dates back to … The minhag is to retract this to 11 months so that it doesn't appear as if the son is assuming his parent needed geihinom ( Rema YD 276:4 ). [Sefer Hasichos 1989 1/175, printed in Shulchan Menachem 5/290], [4] Beir Heiytiv 132/5; Shvus Yaakov 2/129; Machatzis Hashekel on M”A 132/2; Chayeh Adam 32/18; Kitzur SHU”A 26/17; Igros Kodesh 4/106; Sefer Hasichos 1989 1/175 [see there for explanation]; Igros Kodesh Rashab Halacha 80; Vol. Some Poskim[19] rule he may recite Kaddish Derabanan even in the 12th month. The term “darkhei shalom” is often understood to refer to an enlightened self-interest: we should be nice to the Gentiles so that they will be nice to us. There are many, many wonderful stories told about Kaddish and its power to benefit both the soul of the departed parent, spouse, sibling or friend and the soul of the reciter. Saying Kaddish serves to remind the community that some of its members are in pain. In other words, a convert is unrelated halakhically to his biological father and mother. The Rema says that the custom is that the child only says kaddish for 11 months because we don’t assume that the parent was indeed a rasha. To do otherwise would deny God’s role in our lives at moments when God’s presence is and should be most acutely felt. Isn’t that exactly what Moshe and Miriam did at the climax of this week’s parashah, when they lead the men and women, respectively, in song and praise, declaring: “I will sing unto the Lord, for He has triumphed gloriously…” (Shemot 15:1)? Kaddish is a Mitzvah, a true act of kindness, and one of the basic cornerstones of Jewish life. May he have a complete and speedy recovery. From the subjective perspective of those who have suffered, salvation brings great relief, gratitude and joy. As Shmuel Ha’katan, quoting the verse in Mishlei (24:17) teaches: “Do not rejoice over the downfall of your enemies” (Avot 4:19). We should not pray for the death of our enemies, she said, rather, we should pray that they abandon their evil ways. [10] It is permissible to recite Kaddish in memory of a non-Jew as long as the one who you are saying it for was a moral individual. Ginzberg that so is the custom; [16] Gesher Hachaim 30/9-4; Meishiv Devarim 213; Nitei Gavriel ? Some very grate Rabbis paid students to say Kaddish for them as long as 2 to 3 years. Children of deceased saying Kaddish: As explained above, the main Mitzvah of Kaddish is upon the son of the deceased. Should we read this statement in absolute terms or is halakhah cognizant of the biological and emotional bonds between parent and child regardless of legal definitions? It does not matter whether the deceased was Jewish or gentile, righteous or wicked. Saying kaddish for a parent is a fulfillment of the commandment "Honor your father and your mother." Kaddish is recited in synagogue, during the three daily prayer services, every day for eleven months after the passing of a parent. [10] Implication of Shach 402 in Nekudos Haklesef that Mishpat Reshaim of 12 months begins from day of burial [see Kneses Yechezkal 47]; Levush brought in Elya Raba 132/4; Noam Megadim 1; Kitzur SHU”A 26/17; Neharei Afarsimon 97; Biur Halacha 132; See Daas Kedoshim 377; Levushei Mordechai 223, [11] Implication of Taz 568/4 that Mishpat Reshaim of 12 months begins from day of death; Beir Heiytiv 132/5; Siddur Yaavetz 39 [see Nitei Gavriel ibid footnote 6]; Kneses Yechezkal 47; Mateh Efraim 4/1; Alef Lamateh Kaddish Yasom 3/5. Kaddish is recited in synagogue, during the three daily prayer services, every day for eleven months after the passing of a parent. And if even that is too much, you should hire someone to say Kaddish for him in your stead. Say Kaddish and let God decide how to respond.” So Rebecca, you should feel free to pray hard (and often) for the health and recovery of your non-Jewish friend. [12], How does one calculate the end of the eleven months for Kaddish if one was in a different time zone at the time of death?[13]. (2) Do our halakhic and religious obligations direct us to mourn the loss of life, not only of Jews but non-Jews as well? The daily routine of coming to shul to say Kaddish had expanded my world in many positive ways. The midrashimspeak of how a child saying Kaddish for a parent, father or mother, could save the parent from a harsh judgement in heaven. How does one calculate the end of the eleven months for Kaddish-from the time of death or burial? [Birkeiy Yosef 376 based on Arizal that the Kaddish helps even souls that are not in Gehinnom; See Rav Poalim 3/32; Poskim in Pnei Baruch 34 footnote 4; Various opinions brought in Igros Kodesh 4/106 footnote 1], [3] The reason: This is done in order not to turn ones father and mother into Reshaim, as the judgment of a Rasha is 12 months. Saying kaddish is an important for children way to reflect the values and ideals their parents stood for. For how long does a mourner say the Kaddish? The soul of the parent is rewarded for having reared a son or daughter who continues in the proper path. However, if it is still too painful for you to say Kaddish for him, you should try to say it at least once a day. [12] Igros Kodesh 4/107; Custom of Rebbe Rayatz as brought in Reshimos Hayoman p. 416; However see Igros Kodesh 3/199 that the Rebbe directed the asker to follow the day of burial and not the day of death! A son who says Kaddish for his father fulfills the positive command of … Other Poskim[20] however rule he is not to recite it. Someone saying kaddish/davening for a parent vs. someone saying kaddish/davening for someone else (i.e. In an ideal world, the death of the Egyptians would be unnecessary. The one who says Kaddish always stands. Kaddish is a short prayer said by someone who has lost a parent. Though there is evidence of some women saying the Mourner's Kaddish for their parents at the grave, during shiva, and in daily prayers since the 17th century, and though R. Bacharach concluded in "the Amsterdam case" that women could recite the Mourner's Kaddish, this is still controversial in Orthodox communities, with various rabbis restricting the ruling. Kaddish should also be recited annually on the Yahrzeit (anniversary of death). The Torah Learning Library of Yeshivat Chovevei Torah, You are here: Home » Torah » Saying Kaddish for a non-Jewish Parent, by Rabbi Dov Linzer (Posted on January 25, 2018) Topics: Torah, Sefer Shemot, Beshalach, Halakha & Modernity, Lifecycle Events, Prayer & Religiosity. When we live among non-Jews, we must see non-Jews as a part of our shared community and act accordingly. The gemara states, “A person who converts is like a newborn infant,” (Yevamot 22a). Rabbi Linzer has published many Torah articles, writes a widely read weekly parsha sheet, authors teshuvot on a wide range of contemporary halakhic topics, teaches regular Talmud and Halakha classes, and serves as a religious guide to the yeshiva’s students and 135+ rabbis serving in the field. Vetzaruch Iyun! The obligations of mourning and Kaddish only apply to a Jewish parent. When did Jews begin reciting the Kaddish? Rabbi Linzer continues to be a leading rabbinic voice in the Modern Orthodox community through his highly popular podcasts, including Joy of Text and Iggros Moshe A to Z, and daf yomi shiurim covering all of shas. A son says Kaddish on behalf of his mother or father who passed away. [P”M , in end of Noam Megadim, and so was the custom of the Rebbe Rayatz, brought in Sefer Hasichos ibid], [6] Sichas 9th Shevat 1951 that the Rebbe Rashab once added one day to the Kaddish and he was very distressed, [7] Sichas 9th Shevat 1951 that so was the custom of the Rebbe Rashab, and so followed the Rebbe, see there for the explanation; Sefer Hasichos 1989 1/175, [9] See Igros Kodesh 3/199; 4/107 [published in Shulchan Menachem 5/292-295]; Gesher Hachaim 30/9-10; Nitei Gavriel 51/4 footnote 6-8; Pnei Baruch 34/9. In fact, Tosefta teaches, “We eulogize and bury non-Jews who have died because of darkhei shalom (ways of peace), and we console non-Jewish mourners because of darkhei shalom (Tosefta Gittin 3:14). There is one possible snag. There is a significant difference between these two sets of statements. Say Kaddish and let God decide how to respond.” So Rebecca, you should feel free to pray hard (and often) for the health and recovery of your non-Jewish friend. Practically, one is to follow the day of death. Meaning they stop saying Kaddish on the last week of the 12th month. Other commandments, too, are a merit for the departed parent. [13] Igros Kodesh 13/410, brought in Shulchan Menachem 5/295. ____________________________________________________________________________________, [1] Rama 376/4; Maharil Semachos; Levush 133; Beir Heiytiv 132/5 in name of Kneses Yechezkal; See Taz 340/12 and 376/5; Igros Kodesh 4/106; Sefer Hasichos 1989 1/175 [printed in Shulchan Menachem 5/290-298] Sichas 9th Shevat 1951; Nitei Gavriel chapter 51, One who knows his father is a Rasha: One who knows his father or mother is a Rasha is obligated to say Kadish for 12 months. [Chasam Sofer E.H. 1/69] One whose father told him to say Kaddish for 12 months: If one’s parent commanded him to say Kaddish for 12 months then he is to do so. Other Poskim[11] rule it is counted from the day of the death. Other commandments, too, are a merit for the departed parent. While halakhah tends to divide humanity into a dichotomy between Jews and non-Jews, it never loses sight of the inestimable value of every human life, our need to value and protect such life and the tremendous moral debt of gratitude that children owe their parents, a debt which transcends halakhic categories and divisions.

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